Crossing the Rubicon

How long does it take to change a world view? Apparently, it takes decades. And, contrary to biblical stories, it happens in nearly imperceptible increments rather than in a single moment of blinding light on the road to Damascus.

First, the e-mail account. Then, tentatively touch the water with a toe--participate in professional and community list servs. A long hiatus, followed by another step: Author a blog at work. A not-so-long pause this time and then I inch forward again...a personal, invitation-only blog.

Abandon the blog--not enough time to write. Proceed down a different fork. Almost accidentally, I set up a Facebook page. Living out loud does not come naturally.

Take a breath and, with more deliberate intention, set up a Linked In profile. Post a picture? That takes a while, but yes, okay... I'll try it out on Facebook. Nothing bad happened, so why not post one on Linked In? Still thinking about that. Questions abound. How different can the professional face be from the personal, how congruent should they be? How old can the picture be and still be considered truthful? Is truth even important in this exposed, alien world?

Very deep breath. The next steps are leaps and the footing is uncertain. Once the genie is out of the bottle...

Solicit recommendations, open the blog to any viewer who clicks on the link? Freeze in place for a long, long time. Look back over my shoulder at the fast receding, well-hedged, illusion of privacy I am leaving behind. Click through to the blogs of younger, less fossilized friends. Still temporizing, I opt for universal viewing, but no search engines. What a funny little fig leaf that is!

For a long time, I've nodded sagely when people said "There is no such thing as privacy any more." It's one thing to say it, it's another thing to believe it, but deliberately moving out of what's left of the shadows means the gates of Eden are shut forever. Welcome to the matrix, old woman, what do you think about Twitter?

My only consolation as I take my place in the fishbowl is the inescapable fact that there are so many fish in here, all but the shiniest ones are invisible. Maybe I really haven't travelled very far after all.